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Controller


Everywhere you look today, there are control issues surrounding us all. Controllers keep us in fear and in despair. They hold us prisoners in our own skin and some don’t have the knowledge they are doing so. Why do we give them so much power?

As children, we were told about the entire spectrum of how, when, why, should, shouldn’t and so on… about our behaviour and how to express ourselves to the world. The guidance at the time for some of us was more like:

“you listen = good girl/boy, you disobey = punishment.”


Since we were trying to alleviate punishment, some of us have learned how to get around our controlling adults by pleasing them; some learned how to rebel and fight back; some became overwhelmed and closed themselves off and some just ignored them. Despite being in adulthood ourselves today, we are still in this mode with controllers and some of us even took the job of becoming Controllers.





How To Unveil The Controllers


First of all, we need to realize and become aware with where we stand in this Controlling environment. Are we participants, victims or both?

In order to figure this one out, let’s take a short journey in these aspects. To start with, envision the ultimate Controllers, they talk a lot without purpose, judge, accuse, are easily enraged; will send you in a spin with their denial; don’t recognize emotions in themselves and others; and might even become violent. They thrive on others despair. They are like warriors in a war that never ends.

Their perception is; “I always win.”

Then, there are the not so forceful Controllers, they like to get their way in most situations, they usually speak without purpose, judge, accuse, get angry easily, manipulate their way through, lie and deny in covering up insecurities while ignoring emotions in themselves and others. They thrive on feeling important.

Their perception is: “I must win.”

As for the Victims, they take in and accept that they are a bad person since they did not get their way, get discouraged, in their minds the chatter starts to no end with a series of self inflicted negative put downs, lash out at others in frustration, feel stuck, and might even go into depression. They thrive on pity.

Their perception is: “I will never win.”





How To Brake Free


Even though we have been exposed to the Controllers and Victims of this world, there is a way out. Whenever you see yourself in a situation, acting out as a Controller or a Victim, just become aware of it.

Call it for what it is. For example, if you get pulled in by your Controller, state to yourself: “oh! I am trying to control here, why? What do I need to win? A point of view maybe?”

Everyone has a point of view according to their perception; there are no winners in point of views since they are all individualized. The best thing to do is to share your point of view and let it be. Your voice is important and should be heard but in respect to everyone involved.

Likewise for the victim, if you get pulled in, state to yourself: “oh oh! I am acting out my victim, why? Is it because I did not win? Or someone was rude and hurt me?”

Whenever one of these aspects surface in you, take control of yourself, decide how you will accept these instances and lessen the importance of the discussion instead of making yourself lesser.

In addition, by keeping your mind busy on how to recognize issues and how to deal with them; this will take you on a different path and will build your confidence.










Blessings of Love and Gratitude
     
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